so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
