You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize