here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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