When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
third nipple confirmed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
