I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
