Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
