you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
