you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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