Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
