Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
