I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize