i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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