How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
