I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
