please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
