bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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