cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
