I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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