Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
