btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
