He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
