booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
