I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
