i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
