Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
