It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
