Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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