it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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