god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
