He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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