don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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