i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
