Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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