peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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