I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize