Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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