Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
