I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish you could order shots online.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
