When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
