you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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