The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she told me i tasted like america
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
