Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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