I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
