So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
