And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
