If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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