I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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