I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
