Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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