i need an iv and a liver transplant
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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