he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
