last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
