I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize