no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
