Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
