I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
