Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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