Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
