We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
