i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
