I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
