i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
