Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize