Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
