Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
