Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
