My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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