I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
