Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
