My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
