Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
