highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I looked at my own cervix.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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