based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
