you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
