How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
