Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
