I think my vagina is haunted
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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