if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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