You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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