"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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