Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
