oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
