well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
