It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
