TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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