whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
