Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
