I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
