it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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