whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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