Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
